Well, THAT Sucks

My parents and I don't really get along. That is no surprise to anybody, except maybe my Mom. I'm not sure.

So it's been a little while since the last post. There is a story behind that. Let me see...

A little while ago at Western State it was parents weekend. When I decided to transfer here I didn't really tell my parents. Well, until I sold my car in an effort to acquire one that was more suited to the weather and mountains. Then they found out. I didn't invite them to visit the school with me, didn't get their opinion, none of that. But I have wanted them to see the school. I did want them to see that I was doing well and that I could succeed in an academic environment.

If you ask them, they'll tell you that they have always known that I should succeed. One of their favorite games throughout middle and high school was holding standardized test scores in one hand and my report card in the other. Moving on in front of the other they would pointedly say, "THIS doesn't match THIS". (standardized test scores were decent)

So I invited them to come up for Parents Weekend. I told them that they should see the school at least once before I graduate.

The first big challenge to this weekend was preparing them for the fact that everyone calls me Alex. See, my name technically isn't Alex, I've just been going by it for the past 5 or 6 years. They don't call me Alex, they don't want others to call me Alex. My dad may or may not have a history of yelling at people (my boss) on the phone when she asked for "Alex". Actually it went pretty well, no freak-outs in that regard at all.

So they come up, see the campus, have a good time. We all go to the football game and right in the middle of the 3rd quarter my mom decides it's a great time to tell me yet again how much she hates the fact that I am "choosing" to be gay and that "I know it's a sin" and how she is "just waiting for me to wake up and realize how much damage I'm doing to myself". She even had the audacity to drag my little brothers and sisters into the equation! She told me that "they hate you for doing this". I couldn't believe it! I did have some pretty good remarks, but those don't need to be posted here.

I don't know why, but for some reason that really hurt. To my core those remarks stung and stuck.

It took me most approximately 5 years to even acknowledge that I was queer. It took longer to be able to say it out loud, longer still to be ok and realize that I can be a good person and queer at the same time. It took separation from my parents, a complete examination of what I believe, why, what I want to do, who I want to be. I re-created my life and I enjoy what I do.

I thought that my parents were getting so much better. I thought that they had made so much progress from when I first told them. Turns out I was wrong.

I don't know what happened. My life, my personality, my identity all came crashing down (seemingly) when my mom said those hateful, hurtful things. I became totally despondent. I was almost the definition of apathy. I went to class, barely. Socially withdrew from everything, stopped caring, stopped working on everything. I barely functioned. I knew that this could kill my semester academically, and I knew that I didn't want that to happen, but I just didn't care.

So now I'm feeling better. I'm attempting to dig myself out of this hole. I'm in big trouble as far as my classes go. I don't know how to tell my profs what happened, why I stopped... well, everything...for so long. Do they need to know? Would they care?

Here is the question: If I had this crazy depressed episode just from a day spent with my mother, what will happen at thanksgiving?

Tooth Fairy Has Nothing On Me

Tooth fairy, jeez, talk about an overrated gig. Sneak in while people are sleeping, switch a tooth for some money. Real hard.

Try this.

Try randomly inheriting about ten pounds of elk meat from a professor. I thought it was going to work out something like-

TM: "Hey Alex, would you like some elk meat? I'm cleaning out my freezer."
Me: "Sure TM, sounds great." (Thinking in my head- Huh, I'd better ask S if I can use her freezer before TM brings it in. Is she bringing that tomorrow? Wed? I'll ask her.)

NOT THE WAY IT WORKED OUT

(story continuing)
TM: "Great! Come on out to the car and help me bring in this cooler, ok?"
Me: "Sure" it's not like I'm late for class or anything already. (I was. Again. Re-occuring problem here)

We head out to her car and sure enough, she's got a cooler full of elk in the back. We take it inside and split it between myself and the other sucker, I mean, recipient. Now the challenge is finding somewhere to store this so it doesn't defrost. My little tiny dorm fridge? Hardly a big enough freezer to put my chacos in, much less ten pounds of meat.

Here goes Alex, walking through the Union, approaching random people who might have freezers stashed in their office. "Hi! I'm the elk meat fairy! Would you like some elk meat?" Well, lets just suffice it to say that I managed to give away a couple pounds, not too shabby. I don't know if I would take a package of elk meat from some person wandering the hallways with a white plastic trashbag in hand.

It all turned out great though. A good friend is letting me use her freezer (chacos already inside, still lots of room!) to store the meat until I can get it to Sara somehow. Taaa Daaa!

Yeah, who's the elk fairy? I am.

Happy Family Weekend

Nothing says "Happy Family Weekend" like your mother telling you that your "lifestyle choice" is a sin and she is just waiting for you to wake up and change. Among other similarly warm fuzzy things.

I don't think she'll ever be proud of me unless I'm straight.



In other news. Happy National Coming Out day. Here is a video I think is awesome. I'm just going to watch this and hope for a little while. Not my story, but still encouraging.

Oh No...Where'd It Go?

So earlier this week I did something very exciting (for me). I finally turned in my passport application. It costed a pretty penny, the picture isn't going to be awesome, but in six to eight weeks I should have a passport! That's exciting. The passport is the first step in starting the process for my after graduation plans.

I actually had to go to the post office twice. See, the first time I forgot to take my birth certificate. The second time, I was on top of my stuff. I remembered all the paperwork, signed where necessary, paid the money and headed back home. When I got home, a startling revelation came over me.

I FORGOT MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE. Oh no, what a thing to lose, jeez. Half-way panicking I called the post office and explained the situation. I spoke to a very nice guy who explained that they will send the birth certificate to the state department, and I will get it back when I recieve my passport. Basically, just don't do anything where you need it for the next eight weeks. Huh. I see the reasoning, my only complaint is that NO ONE EVER TOLD ME. I've been looking at the passport process for a while and have I seen anything about the fact that they take your birth certificate? No. Not anything.

I guess it's even a pretty common occurance because the people I have told say that they did the same thing. My question is only, why the heck didn't I know? Seriously people.

A Dilemma of Constitutional Proportions

I'm so proud to be able to work with the people I do in Student Government (SGA). They are intelligent, usually well spoken, offer many perspectives and they know their stuff. Part of this I attribute to the fact that I outlined an expectation early in the year that basically says we can fight all we want in the meetings, but once SGA has made a decision I expect everybody to stand behind it. This is a good thing because people don't hesitate to offer differing opinions during discussion.

Tonight however, discussion is on a very serious level. First some information.

There are a couple of classes on campus wherein the purpose is for the students to learn about planing, organizing and producing a program on campus. These programs are anything from the re-occuring bouldering competition, funk-yer-junk bike race ,kayak water polo to the one-time event of speakers or other happenings.

One of the main objectives in the class is to learn, find, and obtain outside funding. For this purpose the department will often reject requests for money. Students are encouraged to go find funding from a variety of different sources. These sources can include, but are not limited to: SGA, Program Council, local businesses, and corporate sponsors.

Now the tricky part. SGA has $3000 set aside for bills each semester. Bills are to help supplement and provide students with various opportunities ranging from conferences, competitions, and programs. However, in the constitution it says this...

"ARTICLE III. STUDENT FEES

Section 1. All students who are currently enrolled in Western State College of Colorado shall pay a yearly Student
Government Association fee to fund non-academic and extracurricular activities, clubs and events."


If a program is open to the public, benefiting excellent non-profit organizations, good for recruitment and retention, do these facts overshadow the fact that this program is being put on because students need the credit? What takes precedance? Is there a grey area?

The issue is going out to the Associated Student Body this week. Voting should happen next week. There is talk about killing the bill before it gets to voting. I'm wondering if I should think about excersizing the option of veto, if the bill passed. Technically, the bill is unconstitutional.